"He's Just Not That Into You"

Currently Reading Undressed: The Naked Truth about Love, Sex, and Dating By Jason Illian see related

Undressed. A book review and how it helps.

I have this wonderful book on dating called "Undressed" by Jason Illian.  It's my "bible" on dating relationships and the Christian viewpoint on them.  It's not a book like "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" or anything else along those lines.  It's just real and in your face.  Jason stepped on my toes many times in reading this book, and it has applied to so many things in my life.  My favorite chapters are...Wait a minute. I love every chapter!

Here are some of my favorite points that Jason makes:

1) "God Completes You, You Complete You". (Meaning you don't need a man/woman to complete you.  Sorry to dissappoint.)

2)  His principles on "breaking up with dignity". (The major one is to NOT make God your excuse.)

3)  When you break up, WALK BACK TO THE CASTLE! (You are the princess, there's a prince who comes to your castle, he fights for you, you jump on his horse and ride into the sunset, something goes wrong, you kill the horse (horse = relationship = you break up), the prince goes off to a pasture to find a new horse, you walk back to the castle and wait for a new prince.

4)  You can't jump from horse to horse.  (aka - WALK BACK TO THE CASTLE! Sounding repetative?  Don't just jump from one relationship to the next.)

5)  "When Men Are Passive..."  (Why do girls have to be the ones to set the standards physically/spiritually?  Guys should be the ones that keep those in place.  They shouldn't be pushing the line all the time.  Hey, he said it, not me!)

6)  "...Women are Desperate"  (Why do we constantly need a guy?  Why do we feel like the shorter our skirts, and the lower our shirts are the better the men will be?  We need to be confident in ourselves, find ourselves, and then the men will come running.  Confidence is sexy.  Again he said it.)

7)  "Staying Vertical"  (When we go horizontal, our emotions are triggered much easier.)

8)  Jason's "Sexual Ladder"  (Paul said that just because something is permissible, it doesn't make it beneficial.  Jason says to look at the Sexual Ladder that he created, which I don't have up here, and to pick a rung that is permissible for you and usually beneficial.  After that, TAKE A STEP BACK.  Go one rung below that and DRAW A LINE.  This is where you can allow yourself to go in a relationship.  You leave a margin for mistakes, but you go no further.  Too many young Christian couples are so naive to think that they can say "no sex" and be safe.  That sets you up for failure because there are SO many rungs below sex that you've just made "permissable".)

These are only a few of the amazing things I've read in this book!  I probably refer to it about 2 times every week for some situation or another.  When I was pondering my most recent issue (from the previous post), I've realized one thing.  I've been jumping from one horse to the next, or one relationship to the next.

In the past 4 years I've been in one exclusive relationship after the other.  I was with this guy Pat, we broke up, and I was with Bryce.  Bryce and I broke up, and I was with Josh for a bit and then this guy named Mike.  Bryce and I got back together, then broke up, and then I was with Sean.  Sean and I broke up, and Josh and I sort of started to get together again.

Jeez!  That's quite a lot of people!  I've never seen myself as a person who has technically "needed" a guy, but I've just always like the company.  It's nice to know you're liked/loved, and to like/love someone back.  I'm a people person, and so I like to surround myself with people.  I think that that's where my first mistake lies.  I've taken perfectly good frienships with guys, and turned them into dating relationships that they should never have been.  It doesn't mean that I didn't truly like that guy, but it means that I shouldn't have acted on feelings that I had so quickly.  In regard to my current situation, I believe that I acted to quickly in my more-than-friendship with Josh.  We are currently reassessing the situation (haha Dane Cook), and are going to continue to be friends, but without the extra stuff that got tacked on. 

Something else I've done is not be satisfied with a relationship I'm in.  I see someone else and want to be with them.  I believe that this means there is something that I need to personally change.  I need to take time to get to know myself without the guy attached.  I need to be fair to Josh, be fair to myself, and be fair to others around me.  I don't know how the outcome will be, but I do know that I will be trusting God with my future friendships.

I know this is long, but I appreciate anyone that reads it.  Hopefully you will get something out of this also.  Maybe you will understand me a bit more, and help me stay accountable to my "Just Friends" policy I'm instilling.

One question to leave you with...

Can you be friends with guys, and hang out just as friends?  It's a question my bestie Katrina and I were arguing.  Feedback would be nice.

Boy, Oh Boy

*Disclosure* Anyone, BUT my sister can comment on this. lol *Disclosure*

I have two wonderful guy friends.  Josh and Brandon.  Josh is my best friend's older brother, and we have recently begun to "see" each other.  You know, in that way other than just friends?  Yeah.  Brandon is one of my best friends that I haven't seen in at least a year, and haven't talked to in about 8 months, but we always reconnect and act as if no time has ever come between us.

Josh and Brandon both have had interesting pasts consisting of drinking, drugs, and just partying it up in general.  I have always liked both, but have never really acted on those feelings because of the situations they were always in.  However, in the past year and a half, Josh has really been cleaning up his act.  He has begun maturing and working toward his future.  In this past month, Brandon was away at a drug rehab facility in Arkansas and is now completely turned around also!  He is finally at a point where he can look back and realize just how stupid his actions were.

I really must say "Praise God!" for these things because I have been praying for them both to turn away from the things they were involved in, and come back to God.

However, something I've learned recently is that God will answer prayer in HIS own time!  I can't say that I'm upset that both of these very important guys in my life have changed, but it's a bittersweet moment because of the fact that I've always liked them both!  Josh and I are in the beginning stages of a relationship that we've both wanted, but I know that Brandon will be joining me and Josh in coming to church.

Am I being too presumptious in thinking that Brandon might end up wanting more than a friendship with me?  I think I am.  I don't know why I'm even putting any of this on here.  I'm just bored at work.

I'm not trying to be full of myself, by expecting Brandon to like me, but it's just been something I'm thinking about.  My mom's first words out of her mouth were "What about Josh?"  when I told her that Brandon and I were hanging out today to catch up on life.  I don't really think there is anything to worry about because to my knowledge, Brandon has never liked me that way.

I guess I just need to pray for guidance in this situation.  It's times like these where I especially wish that God would just throw me a paper airplane with his plan for me written inside it.  Why does life have to be based around so much trust?  It's the hardest thing for me to do.  I know God wants me to work on it, but it's SO hard!  Just like patience. lol  Those two seem to go hand in hand.  I think I need a filter on my ears to hear and not hear what certain people think about a situation.  I honestly hadn't thought too much into hanging out with Brandon and having him actively back in my life until my mom said something.  Then I question "Was that from God, or my mom just being silly?"  Thanks Mom!  lol.

Okay enough of this.  I'm trusting God.  With my life, my future, boys...The list could go on!

Currently Listening Goodbye Blues By The Hush Sound Six (Interlude) see related

My First Smilebox Portfolio!

So I have decided to make mini portfolios on smilebox to share with everyone because I don't like the set up for pictures.  The next one I make will probably be pictures from Blake and Nicolette's wedding.  Please let me know what you think of the pictures!  This one is all about babies!

Hope you enjoy!

Make a Smilebox photobook

I'm BAAAACKKKK!

Yeah so as my first official post back on xanga I give you this AMAZING person! Jess you're going to be SO jealous I found him! Hahahahaha! (when reading that laugh, please think of it as an evil one...thanks.)